omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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