I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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