why didn't you poke me back
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
