He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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