Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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