craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
