I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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