I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
