hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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