I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
