so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
