dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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