To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Shame is for Republicans.
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