Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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