you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
