my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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