my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
