If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
