the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
