I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
