Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
