Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
