My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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