mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
