Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
