Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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