my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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