this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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