bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
