so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize