Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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