Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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