I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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