This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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