I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
