he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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