we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
