I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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