You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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