I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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