Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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