I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize