I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
