I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
