Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
