is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
