I faked an abortion last night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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