i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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I can't turn off my feet"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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