Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
