They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
