can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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