he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bring me that man meat
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
