my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
