Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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