you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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