Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
