were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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