So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
