I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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