I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
